This is an open letter to moms everywhere who are single moms with a boyfriend.
Dear Single Mom,
Many moons ago my dad left our family because he fell in love with another woman. Whether it really was love, I doubt it, but my mom picked up the pieces and kept moving forward one day at a time. She didn’t date for a long time, and when she did I don’t remember there being more than two or three dates before she met the man of her dreams and fell in love. They talked about marriage, and decided they were looking toward a future together.
It was a foggy night, and it was late. My mom offered him her car, which he decided to drive to his home. Less than an hour passed before my dad showed up at the door. My grandfather was the coroner and we found out that the man of my mom’s dreams had died. He wrecked with a tractor trailer and one of the tires landed on him and he died almost instantly.
My mom never dated after that. Never. Not even once. She is still single to this day and in her late fifties. I often wonder what my life would have been like had my mom been one of those insecure women who roam from man to man because they don’t believe they are worth love on their own. They require the constant flattery, attention, and can’t find peace and worth within themselves alone.
As a teacher I’ve seen so many children come through my classroom doors who have parents that are divorced. Dad walks away from the marriage to find his happiness. However, there is something intricately devastating to a child when a mom gets in another relationship and puts her “man” before her kids. I can’t explain it, and I’m not trying to be sexist or place more importance on the mother. I’m telling you what I see in kids every day, year after year, when she puts her kids in that #2 spot (or even lower). I don’t have any scientific evidence to spout out as to why this seems to be the case, but I do know that in seventeen years of teaching, I’ve seen so many little ones struggle more when her kids aren’t her top priority.
I’m so amazed by my mom….that she stayed single for so long. Didn’t she long for a relationship? Didn’t she want to experience that form of happiness again? I’m sure there was a season that made being single extremely tough for her, but I watched her continually put me first…my dreams…my aspirations…supporting me… and now she helps to show this same love and support for my kids. If you are a single mom, I’m begging you to think long and hard before you jump into a relationship and leave your kids behind. I’m not saying that single moms don’t deserve happiness or new relationships. I’ve seen many single moms remarry and their kiddos are fine and even love the “new guy.”
However, there are so many moms out there (most of whom probably won’t read this), who apparently don’t realize the impact they have on their children with each decision they make. If you’re the mom that agonized over whether or not to have another relationship, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the mom who thinks her kids are resilient and will bounce back. “They will be fine,” she thinks, while all during the school day we see the damage caused by terrible parent choices. We see it in the child’s behavior, and many times they even look to us as teacher to fill that emotional void and needs that aren’t met at home.
When I look back over my life, I realize that I can count myself so blessed for having my mom, and I can only hope I make even a small impact on my kids the way she did on mine. I have big shoes to fill.
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