Mom with Boys: How to Connect With Your Pre-teen or Teen Son

As a mom of a “tween” boy, I didn’t plan on having to evolve to change his meeting needs. However, as a Mom with Boys, I have learned to adapt so that my son and I can find ways to connect emotionally and spiritually.  Physically, I’m glad I still get hugs from my ten-year-old.  As he gets older, I’ve struggled with ways to connect with him, since I was an only child (girl), of an only child (girl), of an only child (girl), of yes again, an only child (girl). That means myself, my mom, my grandmother, and great-grandmother were all only children….and girls. Also, I was raised by a single mom, and didn’t see my dad much as a child, so relating to boys was already tough enough for me at times.

When my little guy was younger, I had no problems connecting. We loved to play games, tickle monster, and we even loved to watch Ben Ten cartoons together. Whatever he was into, I was into, and that made it easy to relate. Once he started growing past cartoons and activities for younger children, I wanted to make sure we could still connect, so I’ve been search for ways to do that and wanted to pass these ideas along.

Mom with Boys: How to Connect With Your Pre-teen or Teen Son

1. Games. While there may not seem to be as many “tween” games that you both love (and it isn’t Candyland anymore), I’ve found that games like Monopoly, Rummy, Phase 10, and even Dominoes are games we can play and both have fun. He also like Jenga still, and that is one of my favorites.
2. Geocaching. My coworker who has an only child (son) told me about this activity that we love to play in the months where weather doesn’t become a problem.  I also talked about this one in our post on Frugal Entertainment Options for Families. This is where you download the free app, and search for hidden objects using compass coordinates on your phone.  I love this activity because we’ve created many funny memories trying to find objects that are hidden very well.
3. Go bowling. This is still one of our favorite activities to do as a family, and it’s not too expensive. We also still play Wii bowling when money is tight or we are trying to save. This is still fun and doesn’t cost a thing. I think many people forget about this activity.
4. Host a tournament.  This is a great way to get to know my son’s friends from school. We have Wii bowling or air hockey tournaments from time to time, and this is a ton of fun for our son and his friends. This is one activity that I may not be exclusively spending time with my child alone, but I still feel its a great way to connect with him and his friends, who are a major influence in his life.  I also like the fact that our son’s friends know they can come to our house and have a good time in a safe environment. On a side note, we provide a lot of great food for the kids too, and that makes them want to come back as well. 🙂
5. Read a book simultaneously. My son and I just read Oliver Twist at the same time. I purchased two books at a local discount mart for $1.00 each. We both loved this classic, and neither of us had read it before.  We also read The Chocolate Touch together, and that was neat that we could discuss these books over dinner along with their storylines.   In fact he just signed-up for his first library card this week. That was pretty exciting for him to put that in his wallet.
6. Go on a hike. Our family has done extensive hiking in the past, since the Appalachian Trail is within fifteen miles of our house. This is a great time to walk and talk. While there are times where I have to start the conversation, there are other times where my son just openly starts sharing about something that happened at school, or something that happened with one of his friends at school. This has been a great time of connection for our entire family.
7. Have prayer time daily. We have a time of prayer daily as a family where our children can bring prayer requests and we all pray for that need/concern. Our son doesn’t always take advantage of this, but there have been times where he has been really concerned about something, or someone and he will lift up a prayer request for them. I then turn that prayer request into a form of encouragement. I ask my son about how things are going with that person or situation. I remind him daily that I’m praying for that need/request.  This at least allows him to know that what concerns him is important to me.
8. Words of encouragement. I am still working on this daily. I can sometimes be a negative Nelly, and I’ve really had to work on encouraging my loved ones that I’m proud of them, that I love them for who they are and not what they do. I try to make comments about their positive personality traits instead of reminding them of their negative traits.  I find that it helps me have a better day when I’m encouraging them.
9. Volunteer together. This summer we will be volunteering at a few places in our community together so that our son will see that there are others in need in our community.  We had a local ministry where we helped over 200 families per month in our area with free toiletries, so our son grew up in ministry seeing us meet the needs of others. However, it’s been a little over a year since we had to back down from those responsibilities to help with our younger son’s health issues. It’s important that we spend time as a family helping others.
10. Be adventurous. I know as mom’s there are times where we don’t really want to take risks. However, sometimes you need to go skiing, snow tubing, or even try your hand at skateboarding (be careful on that last one).  Many boys love adventure, and sometimes we need to go back to our childhood as ladies and do some of those fun things that maybe we feel we are too old for anymore. We had a blizzard last weekend, and my son thought it was so funny when I jumped right into a snow bank.  It was a wonderful memory made, and I’m glad I took the risk.

Comment your ideas for connecting with your boy below.