Yes, we are going to go THERE today! I am sure this post was a shock to many of our readers, since we have never come close to broaching this topic. However, I’m writing this in a respectful manner of the subject, and in light of being married for fifteen years. I’m sure many members of my family and church-going friends will be reading this as well. That’s why we’re not going to get technical or nitty gritty. We just want to broach areas of the subject that many church-goers (and non-church-goers) are afraid to talk about.
Please keep in mind I’m coming from a Judeo Christian perspective, so I do believe the marriage bed is holy. I also believe that sex is best between a husband and wife. I believe this because I have never been and never will be a casual sex person. Sex is all about the relationship to me, feeling loved, and wanting to bond with my spouse. However, that doesn’t mean that even the most well seasoned married couple doesn’t need a sexual tune-up now and then!
Here are my Top Eight Tips for Better Sex!
1. It’s all about the relationship. While I’m aware that people who do not share my same faith-based values may turn to casual sex for various reasons, I believe that form of sex takes a little piece of that person. If they have enough of these types of encounters, I believe they will lose their self-respect, and eventually tear themselves to pieces. So, my first tip is to nurture your relationship.
I’ve been married for FIFTEEN YEARS! Trust me, you get bogged down in the responsibilities of raising children, keeping a house, caring for family members, and even pets. So, it’s easy to forget why you were attracted to that person in the first place! Take a break, hire a babysitter, go on a date, or do whatever it takes to feel responsibility free for a few hours. MANY times people equate this feeling with being young. However, it has nothing to do with being young, it’s the fact that when you were young, you had fewer responsibilities!
2. Change it up. Sometimes sex has to be scheduled or located in a certain place because of child-rearing, work schedules, etc. However, once in a while, it’s good to change the location! I’m not saying it should be outside, or even in the back of a car (not that I’ve ever done that! LOL). However, many times just getting a fresh perspective can renew your excitement for each other.
3. Deal with the underlying issues. Is there a reason that sex isn’t as good as you want or desire? There are sometimes issues that are under the surface that need to come to light before a couple can enjoy sex again. This may include (but not limited to), physical exhaustion, resentment, addiction (pornography, drugs, alcohol, etc.), unforgiveness, weight issues, feelings of insecurity, etc. I’ve also known couples that divorced simply because they weren’t having sex! They said they didn’t feel it was that important. I hate to break it to these couples, but unless there is a physical disability or some other reasonable excuse for not having sex, you’re just friends. Now, I understand that as couples become older they can become caregivers, and therefore, sex is not the main priority. However, most of the time this is not the case. Seek your pastor, counseling, etc. if any of these reasons seem to be an issue for your relationship.
4. Decide your comfort level. If you’re in an honest, loving relationship, there may be things that one partner wants to experience while the other doesn’t. This is so different for every couple that I’m not even going to make a list here. However, you have to let your partner know what you are and are not comfortable with behind closed doors. If you’re not honest, you’re going to end up feeling resentment anyways, or vice versa.
5. Be honest. This goes along with almost any of these. You have to be honest with your spouse about your feelings in any of these areas. If you can’t have honesty in your relationship, it’s probably not going to be very satisfying anyways.
6. Selfishness goes both ways. Most of the time I read articles where this seems to be more on the male partner, however, I believe this can go both ways. Women can also be selfish in the bedroom. However, many times I find that the ladies I’ve talked to feel selfish because they have an underlying resentment. This can go both ways.
7. Abuse. This is never ok. If he’s being a jerk and you know it, get help. Don’t make excuses for him being a jerk either. There are just some instances where it’s safer for your family to get out. No, you’re not being the “good wife” by staying. Don’t get me wrong, both partners can make mistakes, but I hope you understand that I’m not talking about that in this instance. Enough said.
8. Is it Medical? As we age, our bodies change and don’t work the way they used to work. Women have hormone fluctuations, and men can suffer from issues like low Testosterone. All of these can effect the quality of your sex life. If you suspect any issues in these areas, schedule an appointment with your doctor!
Leave a Reply